Dating can be hard in the first place, so when you approach dating with an STI, things can be even more challenging. In fact, the idea of getting over the barrier of breaking down your own walls and sharing something so sensitive, not to mention something that inevitably comes with a backstory, may be so scary at times it makes dating seem not worth it or impossible.
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Meet People With Herpes. Herpes dating services have been around since the Internet was invented, thanks to a powerful social stigma that makes disclosing your STI status a frightening prospect for many of us.
Please do not read this essay as judgmental. I want to address the companies that profit off of them. One of the first emails I received when I went viral way back in April was from a woman claiming to work for PositiveSingles. She wanted me to become a spokesperson, and when I refused, someone higher up in the food chain emailed me again.
I politely declined for a second time. But then the same thing happened again with another STI dating site, and then another, and another. A booming app industry in Silicon Valley means that new STI dating services pop up every few months, and a cursory Google search means "Is there a herpes dating site" their marketing team, or their founder, or their intern, quickly discovers me.
Let Is there a herpes dating site be very clear: I will never endorse an STI dating site. Here are a few basic reasons. As time goes on and stigma lessens, there will be less of a demand for these services.
Herpes dating apps rely on, profit from and contribute to the social stigma that I am absolutely against. We are not on the same side of this war.
They reinforce the impulse of scared, raw people to hate themselves and hide from the rest of the world. These websites enable the self-segregation of the H community in a way that I believe contributes to our invisibility and inertia. They say to the rest of the world that we belong apart, that we are less than, that we are a hilarious PositiveSingles punch line.
They send a progressive message to no one. Denying that is intellectually dishonest. Some of these websites claim to empower their customers. Maybe some people use them as a transitional tool before re-entering the wider dating sphere, and hey, cool, whatever.
Good for those people. But they are just as often predatory environments where newly diagnosed men and women but usually women are bombarded with attention. Like other dating services, they can be unsafe spaces for women where harassment and coercion thrive. Is there a herpes dating locus.Keep Anonymous When Connecting
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